I hope your Crocs get caught, and a blood bath ensues

We've all seen Mallrats, admit it. And the world agrees with Brodie that parents should teach their children to fear and respect the escalator. Well, the makers of Crocs agree with Brodie Bruce, and say that "Escalator safety is an issue [they] take very seriously...". Read on.

So there's this 3 year old girl at JFK Airport in New York, who is wearing Crocs (parental mistake #1). She's kicking it up the escalator, and her Croc (pink in color) gets caught in the escalator, causing the "skin [to be] peeled off her toe", leaving her "severely and permanently" injured. Zut alors! That's pretty ugly. The lawyer for the parents is claiming that Crocs are unsafe, even though they "come in pretty colors with Disney characters on" them, and that the parents should receive $7million in compensation. The New York Daily News points out that the girl was wearing a child's size 8/9, though Crocs are available as small as a 4/5. Not sure how that fits in.

I have a better idea than giving the parents $7,000,000. Slap 'em with a counter suit for not properly supervising their kid on the escalator. And where's the lawsuit against the escalator manufacturer for failing to prevent child injuries? Oh, what's that? You know you'd never win, so you didn't file? Bullshens!

Unfortunately, this just goes to teach us all a lesson: having the parents "suffer that horrific ordeal" does not teach them how to "manage [their] child". Not a year goes by ...

The Viper is Dead; Long Live the Viper

Jalopnik is reporting today that the Dodge Viper will be no more. As part of "Project Genesis", Cerberus (the new owners of Chrysler) are cutting a number of models from the product range (PT Cruiser convertible, Pacifica, Magnum, Crossfire) ... including the Viper. The '08 Viper will be a 4th generation, which will be produced until 2011ish ... and then, according to the Jalop's sources ... no more snake.

Never really been my car of choice, but it certainly set a standard for American muscle cars. Viper, you will be missed.

Everbody Hates Jarvik

Yeah, you probably remember my previous post about not-so-Dr. Jarvik, and his lack of medical training. And you may wonder why I keep going on about him. I just do, ok? Drop it.

So firstly, ABC News is reporting that Dr. J was paid (at least) $1.35million for the Lipitor ads (Link). Yup ... that sounds like a pretty decent sum to row your boat on TV. But wait ... what? That's not Dr. J in the boat? He doesn't even row? The plot thickens! Here's an awesome quote for you:

"He's about as much an outdoorsman as Woody Allen," said a longtime collaborator, Dr. O. H. Frazier of the Texas Heart Institute. "He can't row."

American Congress is still upset about all this nonsense, because it's (assumedly) some sort of false advertising. To be fair to Dr. J, you can find his side of the story at his website:

Greasy Dr. Jarvik

NCAA rundown

Firstly, I'd like to start by saying "wooo Giants". Next, I'd like to follow up with "booo Gophers". On Feb 1, the Gophers were taking on the UND Fighting Sioux (great team name), and managed to lose in OT, dropping their record to 12-12-5 in the season (6-10-3 in WCHA play). Ouch.

On Feb 2, UMN again faced-off against UND, trying to make up for the gong show of the previous game. No scoring through the first 2 periods gave me hope that UMN might pull off a win ... but also worried me that their scoring just wasn't happening. And then at 7:17 of the 3rd, Blake Wheeler fed Ben Gordon, who put UMN up 1-0. Less than 13 minutes go, and UMN is ahead. Sadly, it took less than 4 minutes for UND to tie it up on a VandeVelde goal. And the game would remain tied through overtime, the final being a 1-1 score.

Rankings as of Jan 28 have UMN in 18th place in DI (Miami, Michigan and UND taking the top 3 positions). The WCHA rankings place CC and UND in the top 2, with UMN in a lowly 7th (below both UMD and Minnesota State). This year must get better, eventually.

Oh, this does not seem right

I'm not sold on the Tesla electric sports car just yet. It seems kind of overpriced, but underdelivering. But then again, I'm the type of guy who likes my sports cars loud and raucous. Engines should run on pure crude oil or small children, and spew out noise in the triple-digits of decibels, and emissions so strong that the ozone layer runs away at initial turn-over. Think the E39 BMW M5: that's a right & proper sports car. But I digress: this post is about the Tesla.

A few days ago (5, to be precise), the AP published a report stating that Tesla Motors was to receive a federal air bag waiver, meaning that the cars will not contain the "advanced air bags" that other cars have. It will still have standard air bags, but for $98,000 I want EVERYTHING to be advanced (see also: 1 speed transmission in the Tesla. Not cool, guys.)

The Tesla is based on the (much cooler) Lotus Elise, which also has received an air bag waiver. Which might be why it's so difficult to find an Elise in Canada. They're impossible to import, but Weissach Performance in Vancouver sells them (and not cheaply: $54,500 for the base model, + freight, tax, PDI, etc.). A new Elise in the USA will run you $46,270. Though, looking at the Elise website, I find that the MSRP in Canada is $59,990 ... so I guess Weissach is giving people a deal.

Again, I'm digressing from the topic at hand. So, in summary: Teslas don't need advanced air bags. Neither do Elises. The Elise is better looking, and half the price. But not electric. But has more speeds in it's transmission. Don't expect to get ahold of a Tesla in Canada.